‘Red Table Talk’ Shows The Importance of Black Parents Giving Their Children Space to Speak
Since its premiere on May 7 on Facebook Watch, Red Table Talk has resonated across the internet with conversations. At the center is actress Jada Pinkett-Smith, daughter Willow Smith and mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris, 65, unfolding personal experiences and needed conversations for the sake of healing and learning.
The first episode “Motherhood” saw Pinkett-Smith, 46, having a heart-to-heart, grown woman conversation with her husband Will Smith’s ex-wife Sheree Fletcher, mother of her step-son Trey. Addressing the difficult journey of uniting their now blended family, Pinkett-Smith and Fletcher give one another their flowers while they can smell them for coming together for their love of Trey.
Red Table Talk, which originally appeared in 2012 in honor of Mother’s Day, is a series of candid generational conversation between three women on subjects on everything from personal loss to body image.
The third episode in particular entitled “Surviving Loss” struck a chord with me because of the moment between Smith, 17, opening up to her mother and grandmother about her personal experience with self-mutilation much to their surprise.
“Cutting yourself where?” Pinkett-Smith asked visibly teary-eyed as she expressed that she had no idea.
The “short, weird” point in her life after the success of her 2010 hit single “Whip My Hair” and being thrust into the spotlight at age nine. Processing the demands of it proved to be overwhelming at a time while she was growing up in the spotlight.
“I was experiencing so much emotional pain but my physical circumstances weren’t reflecting that,” Smith said.
“So would you say that was part of the reason? Like the self-harm makes the pain more tangible, it’s actually visible, something you can see and put your finger on? It becomes real?” Pinkett-Smith asked.
“Exactly. Instead of like a ghost in your mind,” she answered.
Part of me while watching the moment was waiting for Pinkett-Smith to let off a round of questions in reaction, offended at the thought of her daughter cutting herself but her response above was her trying to get an understanding of why. I know that expectation was projected because of how I know and would expect my own mother to react as many (certainly not all) black parents would. Instead, Pinkett-Smith and Banfield-Norris were trying to connect the dots of how common it’s becoming for teenagers to self-mutilate and how it happened with her own daughter unbeknownst to her. It was a necessary dialogue around mental health and the visibility of it today.
Something that I’ve come to love about this show, not only from this episode but the series all together, is how Willow literally is given the space to have a seat at the table with the two women in her lives as they’ve uncovered what many from our culture in previous generations called “grown folks business.” The transparency between three women from three generations with their own personal experiences that they share collectively.
That phrase has been a steel door slammed shut for appropriate reasons to keep the boundaries clear on what’s appropriate for adolescents but that boundary has also been used as a tactic to silence on certain conversations. Most importantly not allowing them to be open, listen with intention, and create a safe space for them to express themselves and seeking understanding on subjects parents and adult figures shut down and seal with a “because I said so.”
On Instagram, one of the people I follow shared a clip of YouTuber Jazzmen Black in her video entitled “5 Things Black Parents Need To Stop Doing To Their Children” with a caption over it that said, “SPEAK!” Clearly showing me just how common this opposition is for us now adults who at a time felt we often weren’t allowed the space to be us and have our own unfiltered thoughts.
In the video, Black runs down her personal lists of dislikes of growing up black that she feels hinders more than helps. One of them is the disconnected dialogue between parents and adolescents on expressing themselves, “even if it hurts.”
“When your children come to talk to you and they tell you how they feel about you, and you say that you feel disrespected, and you get upset and you want to put them on punishment or even hit them, that’s crazy to me,” Black said in the video. “That’s you trying to cause fear.”
For years since Smith and her brother, actor/rapper Jaden Smith, has stepped into the spotlight in their respective careers, I’ve witnessed much criticism regarding Will and Jada’s parenting style from the black community. As a matter a fact it was mixed responses with some black people finding the young stars free-spirited and expressive nature refreshing because they were allowed to be and embrace themselves without limits. They were #carefreeblackgirl and #blackboyjoy personified. One comment that always stood out to me was a black woman asking the question how awesome it would be as a developing black girl given the freedom to discover, explore, and define her true self and how’d happy we’d be if we had that opportunity.
My own “talk” came from the women in my life who I’ve loved and loss from the sanctuary of their front porches or kitchen tables where we’d talk about what’s happening. After the death of my dear 89-year-old aunt Mary in February, I sat with my other aunt, her twin Martha and my mom (the recording I still have) and we talked.
I asked her questions simply because I was curious and wanted to know things about her life growing up in Louisiana. Echoing a story my late aunt told me before she died about a white bus driver slowing down so passengers can throw food and drinks, and even firecrackers at them while yelling out the n-word or hiding in ditches — with the risk of falling on snakes — to avoid altercations. She even revealed to me how my grandmother died in 1956 and the magnitude of that loss that she never discussed yet she understood that I wanted to know the history and have it recorded in my mind while she was still here. It’s a meaningful way to bridge gaps and educate the next generation of their history.
I enjoy seeing that exchange between the three women, especially Smith learning from the two women in her life and their openness to her being present.
Every week the Red Table Talk series and its pure intention of unfolding themselves to the masses and asking the questions for the viewer to do the same. It’s intelligent in its simplicity and I’m excited to see what the rest of the series will continue to unearth.
Red Table Talk airs every Monday on Facebook Watch. Inspired to continue these conversations? Join the official Facebook group page here.
